The Virtues and Rights of Marriage Part 02

Beliefs & Practices, Part 4-Nikah (Marriage) in Islam / Sunday, April 18th, 2010

11. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that you should not propose to a girl when your fellow Muslim brother has already proposed to her until he gets married or gives up this proposal. In other words, when a person has sent a proposal to a particular family and there is a likelihood of their replying in the affirmative, another person should not send a proposal to that same family. However, if they reject this first person, or he himself changes his mind, or they are not too happy with him and are still hesitant in giving a reply, it will be permissible for another person to send a proposal for the same girl.

The same rule applies to the transactions of buying and selling. That is, if a person is busy buying or selling something, then as long as they do not separate or abandon the transaction, another person should not enter into their transaction and should not offer a price above or below that which has been already offered when there is an indication that they are about to come to an agreement. Understand this well, and know that a kâfir is also included in this rule.

12. It is mentioned in a Hadith that a woman is either married because of her Dîn , her wealth or her beauty. Choose the one with Dîn , may your hands become dusty. In other words, a man may prefer a woman who is religiously inclined. While another may prefer one who is wealthy. While yet another may prefer one who is beautiful. However, Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam says that one should choose a religiously inclined woman and that it is preferable to marry such a woman. However, if the circumstances are such that a woman is very pious but at the same time she is so ugly that one’s nature does not find her acceptable and there is a fear that if he marries such a woman there will be no mutual understanding between them, and that he will be neglectful in fulfilling her rights, then in such a case he should not marry such a woman. “May your hands become dusty” is an Arabic mode of expression which is used on different occasions. In this context, it is meant to create a yearning and a desire for a pious woman.

13. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that the best wife is one whose mahr is very simple. That is, it is very easy for the man to fulfil her mahr . These days, there is the habit of specifying a very high mahr . People should abstain from this.

14. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that you should look for a good place for your sperms because a woman gives birth to children that resemble her brothers and sisters. In other words, marry a woman who comes from a pious and noble family because the children generally resemble the maternal relations. Although the father also has some influence over the child’s resemblance, we learn from this Hadîth that the mother’s influence is greater. If the wife is from a disreputable and irreligious family, the children who will be born will be similar to that family. But if this is not so, then the children who will be born will be pious and religious.

15. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that the greatest right that a woman has to fulfil is to her husband, and that the greatest right that he has to fulfil is to his mother. In other words, after the rights of Allah and His Rasûl sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam the woman has a very great right to fulfil to her husband, so much so that the husband’s rights supersede the rights of her parents. As for the man, after the rights of Allah and His Rasûl sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam , the greatest right that he has to fulfil is to his mother. We learn from this that the right of the mother supersedes that of the father.

16. It is mentioned in a Hadîth that if anyone of you wishes to engage in sexual intercourse with his wife, he should recite the masnun dua. The virtue of this dua is that if a child is conceived through this intercourse, shaytân will not be able to harm this child in any way.

17. There is a lengthy Hadîth in which Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam addressed ‘Abdur Rahmân bin ‘Auf radiyallâhu ‘anhu asking him to have a walîmah even if it is with one sheep. In other words, even if you possess very little, you should spend. It is preferable to have the walîmah after engaging in sexual intercourse with one’s bride. However, many ‘ulamâ have permitted it immediately after the nikâh as well. It is mustahab to have a walîmah.

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