The Rights of Husbands & Leniency towards Wives


Akhlaq & Spirituality, The way to a Happy Married Life, Women & Family / Monday, August 15th, 2011

She ponders as follows, “Had I been a man and he my wife I would have handled his case.” Together with this, let wives also realize the respect and honor due to their husbands as well. If at times they happen to over step the mark, bear in mind the honor due to them. Remember the position granted to them by Allah Ta’ala and in order to earn the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala forgive them. Consider service to them as one’s great good fortune. It appears in a Hadith, if a husband goes to sleep while displeased with his wife, none of her good actions will be accepted even though she spends the entire night knocking at Allah Ta’ala’s door with Tasbeehaat. Wives should also ponder and realize that the position granted to husbands is so high that, if permission was given for anyone to make sajdah or prostrate before a human, such permission would have been given to the wife in respect of her husband.

Remember nonetheless that it is not permissible; therefore, permission for this act was not granted. It is only Allah Ta’ala who is worthy and deserving of being prostrated before. Therefore, it is not permissible for anyone beside Allah Ta’ala.

In addition, its incumbent upon parents to teach their daughters that even though the husband becomes angry or becomes bitter towards them they should tolerate it for through him numerous gifts and bounties are also enjoyed.

Husbands literally turn their blood to perspiration in earning a living to see to the wife’s needs and comfort, while wives stand before stoves making ‘Chapaati.” There is a relationship between ‘Chapat’ the sound of a light slap and ‘Chapaati’. While Chapaati is being made, the sound that is heard is ‘Chapat’. Thus, from”Chapat’ the word Chapaati is derived. Let me narrate an incident regarding ‘Chapat’. There was, in Delhi a poet by the name of Inshallah Khan. Inshallah once happened to be the guest of Nawaab or lord. At the time of partaking meals, Inshallah Khan was bare headed. Due to feeling ashamed he lowered his head and ate. The Nawaab Saheb with a sense of humor gave him a light slap on the head asking him as to why he was eating bare headed. While keeping his head lowered, he retorted, “Allah Ta’ala forgive my beloved father who always advised, do not eat bare headed, otherwise Shaytaan will slap you.” Nawaab Saheb was dumbfounded at his quick wittedness.

The translation of another Hadith:

“Women are like a rib….”

Because they have been created from the crooked rib and are crooked. Do we not, in spite of the fact that our ribs are crooked, benefit from them? Are the husbands not benefitting from their wives in spite of the fact that they are temperamental? Although one’s ribs are crooked we carry on living with them. We never request to be admitted to a hospital to have them straightened. The Prophetic words are,

“If you will try to straighten them you will break them.”

This mean, do not interfere with them too much, tolerate their temperament. If you will be harsh, matter will reach ahead and end up in a divorce. The poor children will swear and curse you, “what a tyrant of a father we have who has divorced our mother.” After separation, you too will think of her and cry. When the tale of your harshness will spread, no one else will give you their daughter, thinking you to be a merciless person who has divorced one wife and will do the same to their daughter. Therefore, have patience upon their bad temper, their nagging and mood swings and do not try to straighten them.

In the commentary of this Hadith, Allama Qastalani says, Allah Ta’ala‘s beloved Rasulullah (salellaho alaihe wasallam) advises men,

There is the lesson to treat wives well

And to be soft towards them

And to have patience on their crookedness,

Because their intellect is weak.

If one has a weak child, one tolerates him to a great extent and warn others too, to excuse the child for its weakness, for natural weakness should readily be excused. So Rasulullah (salellaho alaihe wasallam) has said, “women have a little less intelligence. They are Naaqisaatu-Aql” (not perfect intellectually), so tolerate their weak points, thinking them to be of weak intellect e.g. if you will bring five Rands (currency of South Africa) worth of medicine, she will say you have brought rubbish from somewhere. When a woman was asked if her husband brought clothes, shoes for her, she replied, “Yes, he brings some rags (cloths), pieces of lathe (shoes), and tins (dishes) sometimes.” So forgive them for such talks for they are weak.

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