The Method of Bringing up Children Part 2

Bahishti Zewar, Fiqh, Part 4-Nikah (Marriage) in Islam / Saturday, October 2nd, 2010

21. As far as is possible, make him learn under a religious-minded teacher.

22. Don’t ever allow him to absent himself from going to madrasah.

23. Set aside certain times in which you narrate stories of the pious to him.

24. Do not allow the child to look at books that contain love stories, stories that are contrary to the Sharî‘ah, stories that are obscene or that have no benefit, love poems, etc.

25. Give them books that cover the different aspects of the Dîn, and books that cover the necessary aspects of this world.

26. Once the child returns from the madrasah, permit him to play around in order to occupy him and so that he does not become dull-headed. However, the games must be such that there is no sin in playing them and at the same time there is no fear of physical injury.

27. Do not give the child any money to purchase fireworks, musical instruments or any other similar unnecessary items which amount to wasting of money.

28. The habit of watching games, matches, etc. should not be inculcated in the child.

29. Always teach your children some sort of hobby or trade which will help them at the time of need or necessity whereby they can support their families.

30. Teach girls to write to the extent that they are able to write necessary letters and also work out the expenses of the house.

31. The habit of doing their own work should be inculcated in the children so that they do not become dependent and lazy. You should order them to lay out their own beds at night and to get up early in the morning and neaten their beds again. They should keep their clothes neatly. Clothes that become undone or torn should be stitched by themselves. Clothes that are clean or dirty should be kept in a place where there is no fear of moths.

32. Emphasize on the girls to check the jewellery that they are wearing before they go to sleep and once they wake up the following morning.

33. You should order the girls to watch attentively at the cooking, sewing, threading, dying, and all the other work that is carried out at home so that they will also learn these things.

34. When the child does something good, praise him, kiss him, reward him so that he will feel happy. When he commits an evil act, call him aside in privacy and make him understand that he has committed an evil act and that others will think bad of him, and that whoever else comes to know of it will also think bad of him. You should warn him against committing such an act again and explain to him that good children do not do such things. If he repeats that act, punish him appropriately.

35. It is the duty of the mother to create respect for the father in the child’s heart.

36. Do not allow the child to do anything secretly. This is irrespective of whether it is some game, food or any other act. If he does anything secretly, you should immediately understand that he regards it to be evil. If the act is in fact evil, teach him to abstain from it. If it is a good act, such as eating or drinking, then tell him to eat and drink in the presence of others.

37. Set aside some strenuous work for the children which will keep them healthy, energetic and which will not allow laziness to overtake them. If it is a boy, he should do gymnastics, weightlifting or walking for a few kilometres. As for girls, it is necessary for them to work with the grinding stone and spinning wheel. The benefit of doing these things is that they will not regard such work to be below their dignity.

38. When walking, teach them not to walk very swiftly, nor should they raise their gazes when walking.

39. Inculcate the habit of humility in them. Their manner of speaking, walking, conversing, etc. should be such that they do not become boastful. They should be taught humility to such an extent that they should not even sit with their classmates and boast about their clothes, house, family, books, pens, ink, exercise books, etc.

40. Occasionally you should give them some money so that they may purchase whatever they wish. However, inculcate the habit in them that they should not conceal whatever they buy.

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