His manners with his wives (Conjugal Life)

Hadith & Seerah, The Noble Traits of His Character, The Ways of the Prophet (SAWS) / Sunday, August 31st, 2008

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) was
scrupulous in maintaining a treatment of justice and equity towards his wives
without making any discrimination among them. But so far as love is concerned,
he used to say: “O Allaahl All things over which I have control, I have divided
equally among them. But do Thou not condemn me for that which is beyond my
sway.” (By the former were meant social obligations and by the latter love and

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) resorted to
divorce also but withdrew it. He also exercised El’a (Vow for separation from a
wife for a certain period) so far as his wives were concerned.

His way of living with his wives was the best model of
decency and excellent manners. He would rest against the knee of Hadrat Aisha
and would also recite the Holy QURAAN in this position. Sometimes it so
happened that when she was in menstrual period, he would still associate with
her even when he was fasting. All this was the outcome of his kindness and
graceful manners to his wives. When he proposed to undertake a journey, he
would draw lots between his wives and whose name was drawn would then accompany
him. Thus no one would have reason to grumble.

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) used to say:
The best among you is he who treats his wife best. My behavior with my family
members is best of all of you.

Every day after Asr Salaah, he used to visit his wives. He
would sit with them, inquire about their health and other matters. At night
fall he would go to the wife whose turn it was and pass the night there.

Hadrat Aishah (Radi Allaahu Ta’ala Anha) narrated that he
was so particular in observing the turn that he never gave preference to one
over the other. It seldom happened that he failed to visit his wives every day.
Hadrat Safya (Radi Allaahu Ta’ala Anha) once said to Hadrat Aisha (Radi Allaahu
Ta’ala Anha). If you can win the favor of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa
Sallam) for me, I shall gladly yield my turn to you’. She agreed and
accordingly went to him on the day of Hadrat Safiya’s turn. He asked, Aisha!
How is it that you come today? Go back it is Safiya’s turn. She replied, It is
the favor of ALLAH. He bestows it on whom He will: and related the whole story.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) was thus conciliated with Hadrat

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) used to
visit his wives at anytime during the nights, in the early hours as well as in
the last hours, Sometimes he used to go to sleep after taking bath and
sometimes after wudhu only.

The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) used to
invite girls from the Ansar to play with Hadrat Aisha and he also joined them
in allowable matters. As and when Aishah drank water, he would take the cup
from her from which she had been drinking. Similarly when she chewed meat from
a bone he would take the bone and chew the remaining portion beginning from the
very point from which she had been eating.

It is related that once he competed with Hadrat ‘Aishah
(Radi Allaahu Ta’ala Anha) in a race and both of them ran together. Hadrat
‘Aishah won the race. After some years, they ran together again. This time the
Prophet won. The reason was that on the first occasion, Hadrat Aishah had
normal body, but on the second occasion she had grown bulky. The Holy Prophet
(Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, ‘By winning today, I have equalized your
winning before. [Madarij-un-Nabuwah]

On occasions when the wives of the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wa Sallam) told tales or narrated past events, he listened attentively
and at times, he mentioned events from his own life. Hazrat Aishah (Radi
Allaahu Ta’ala Anha) narrated: “He used to sit amongst us talking and laughing
in such a way that we would not feel that he was a resolute prophet. But if
some religious issue cropped up or it was time for Salaah, then he appeared to
be a different man altogether.

There was no restriction on the wives in the matter of
eating and wearing. They ate and wore whatever they liked, though due to hard
circumstances wholesome food was not available. The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wa Sallam) did not like gold or silver ornaments for the members of his
family. In those days, ivory trinkets were in vogue. He advised the wearing of
such ornaments. He desired his wives to remain neat and clean. He never reproached
them nor even addressed them in a harsh or disagreeable tone, if there was
anything to his disliking.

Hadrat Aishah (Radi Allaahu Ta’ala Anha) has related that
the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) would enter the house with a
pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips. [Uswa-e-Hasana]

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